


Reality

by Shea



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Cussing, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Torture, Laviyuu Week 2018, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 14:42:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14114580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shea/pseuds/Shea
Summary: Lavi can't help but see and feel Kanda when he needs him most.





	Reality

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure angst, so I'm sorry. Sort of. ;)

Lavi’s never felt so… helpless, and scared. Sometimes everything is fuzzy and he can barely discern the old man’s voice out from the constant buzzing in his ears. His head feels far too heavy to lift, like someone’s stuffed it full of iron bars. He can feel someone’s hands on his occasionally, matched with a creepy voice. He knows the guy’s face, has seen it a few times, usually with a sinister smirk. It makes him shudder. He doesn’t know  _ where  _ they are, has no idea how they’ll get out. It’s a struggle just to stay awake more than five minutes. Lavi’s mind has never been able to shut up, always buzzing with questions and thoughts and wonders… but now all he can think is “Noah… Gramps…  _ Yuu. _ ” 

They’re always being watched, he knows. One Noah at least always stays. He’s sure it’s the one who infected them in the first place, though he can’t be sure. Every time it seems like Lavi’s finally getting his thoughts in order, finally able to start  _ thinking  _ about how to get out, he’s paralyzed all over again and a thick fog seeps through his mind like ink clouding clean water. The room he’s in disappears. The chair he’s tied to is gone. Bookman is gone, the Noah are all gone. For a few moments… everything is black.

Then he always appears. At first, Lavi can only hear the footsteps. As the future bookman, Lavi has memorized and observed every little detail about almost every single person. Even from 100 meters away, Lavi knows these are Yuu’s footsteps. They’re quiet, almost delicate, and calculating, like he’s always trying to figure out his next move. Which, knowing Yuu, he probably is. 

Lavi fights to call out to him. His mouth opens, but no sound escapes. It’s alright, he figures, because at the same moment Yuu stops in front of him. He’s a sight for sore eyes. Nevermind the pissed off look on his face (Lavi is sure he can’t  _ not  _ look upset even when happy). He’s in his workout clothes; the sleeveless blue shirt, black pants, and his boots. His hair is down, and Lavi wants to grin and make a comment about how he’s always loved seeing Yuu like this. But, once again, his voice box is broken and he can only muster a grimace. 

“You’re pathetic.” Yuu says, a small bite behind his words. Lavi’s heard worse venom from the same person, but he still winces. “How can you allow yourself to be stuck in this state?” 

_ I’m not  _ allowing  _ it, Yuu.  _ Lavi wants to say, wants to fight back not at Kanda, but at the people holding him and Bookman. 

“You are.” Yuu continues, as though he can read his thoughts. Considering how long they’ve known each other, and how many times they’ve fought together, Lavi wouldn’t be surprised if he could. “Forget the whole bookman thing, I thought you liked it at the Order. I thought you had… friends, or whatever. People you liked. What about the Moyashi? Lenalee?” He almost says something else, but he stops himself. Lavi knows.  _ What about me?  _

_ Yuu, it’s not… I’m trying. Please.  _

Kanda scoffs, resting a hand on his hip. He doesn’t look as pissed off as Lavi thought he might. Oh, the glare is still definitely there. But right now, it lacks its usual fervor. It’s almost… melancholy. “So, what, it’s up to me to rescue you? Pathetic.” 

Lavi almost smiles. In Yuu-talk, that’s basically “Sit tight. I’ll do it myself.” In fact, he tries to smile. His muscles still don’t allow it. 

_ You’re amazing, Yuu.  _ Lavi thinks, closing his eyes.  _ I love you.  _

Yuu turns to leave. “I know.” 

Lavi can feel consciousness bubbling up again, and opens his eyes to look at Yuu one more time. Instead, he sees his lap, and feels a familiar yet not at all friendly hand squeezing his shoulder. 

<><><><><><><>

The tears have not stopped flowing from his eyes. He’s still comprehending all that has happened, but all he can think of is “Yuu is here” and “Bookman is dead”. They’re hiding at the moment, from the Noah. Lavi isn’t sure they can safely get away. At this point, he kind of doesn’t care.

“Y-Yuu,” He stammers. He hasn’t been able to stop shaking. “We have to go back. Gramps, he’s-”

“It’s impossible.” Yuu bites back, pushing Lavi’s shoulder so he’ll sit back against the cavern wall. “You’re in no condition to fight, and I can’t leave you alone. He knew what he was doing.”

“But-”

“Don’t dishonor him by getting yourself killed anyway.” 

Lavi falls silent aside from his gasps and hiccups. Kanda looks annoyed, like he’s dealing with a fussy, crying baby. He goes to peek out of the cave they’re hiding in, making sure they weren’t followed. Then he comes and sits beside Lavi. Lavi tries to control his sobbing. Seriously, he’s a bookman. He shouldn’t be acting like this.He knows if Gramps were here he’d be scolding him. But he’s not. And he  _ won’t.  _ Kanda’s right, however. So he tries to suck it up and grieve on the inside only. 

Kanda glances at him out of the corner of his eye. “He meant that much to you?” 

Lavi chuckles dryly. “He raised me, Yuu. He’s… He was like, my grandpa, really. I mean, it’s like you and Tied-”

“He is not my father.” Kanda groans, rolling his eyes. Lavi laughs, a little, genuine laugh for the first time in… he doesn’t even know how long. 

His brow creases. “Yuu? How long was I… there?” 

Yuu hesitates to answer. “About three months.”

_ Three whole months!?  _ The thought nearly makes Lavi sob again. Instead, he leans his head heaily on Yuu’s shoulder. Yuu lets him. For a few moments, everything stands still. Yuu feels so warm and  _ real.  _ Lavi lets one or two more tears slip through as he wraps his trembling arms around Yuu’s waist. He’s grateful to him. Grateful for all the times he didn’t kill him. Grateful for saving him, even though it meant letting Bookman die. He’s grateful for Kanda not mentioning his missing eyepatch, or asking about it. He’s grateful to whatever deities there may be out there for giving him this person. 

And then in the next moment he’s cursing the very same deities. His mind bubbles. The scene around him, Yuu, stops and melts like a movie film being burned. His eyes open. There’s a sinister laugh.

“Have a nice nap?” Sheril Kamelot asks. 


End file.
